hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
