it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
