Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize