i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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