We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
