I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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