all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
