defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
