anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
