why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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