Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
