Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
