His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
This is my gift to your gina
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
