Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
