I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
