he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
