The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize