i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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