Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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