She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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