The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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