O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
