You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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