Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
