You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize