i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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