You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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