Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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