Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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