Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
