Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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