Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
