she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
