I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
do herpes really smell.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
