Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Are we still banned from the library?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
