I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
