You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
