Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
