I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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