Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
God, I missed his penis.
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