party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I came so hard my ears popped.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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