Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
