I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize