i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
