you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
