New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize