I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
