So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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