i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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