you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
