fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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