The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
