I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
