i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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