I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
