Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
