Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We just shotgunned beers for America
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
