I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
