my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
