3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
